Poppy & James
A grieving sister gets to speak to her beloved brother one last time after his unexpected death. This is a tale of unconditional love and finding peace.
Trigger warning: Drug overdose.
Scene: The entire interaction takes place in Poppy’s bedroom in her apartment. She is 35 years old. She has been in a deep depression since her older brother, James died 2 months prior. She has been coping by isolating herself, barely eating, and sleeping most days away. Her room is not cluttered. She has a minimalist style. She has a few framed pictures on her TV stand that’s at the end of her bed. There is a decorative urn on the TV stand as well. The TV is off. All of her bedding is white. She has a huge window with sheer curtains. The sparkling lights of the city and the skyscrapers are able to be seen through the curtains. You can also hear the faint sound of occasional car horns honking and the general speed of the city. Her room is lit by one single lamp on her bedside table. It is radiating a golden glow–just enough for an ambiance, not actual task lighting. She is dressed in baggy pajama pants and a matching, long sleeved top that is too big for her. Her blonde hair is tied up, but is falling out of the hair tie, adding to her overall haggard appearance. Poppy is sleeping on her right side when the story starts.
We see her brother, James, lying next to her in bed. He is 38 years old. He is on his left side, which means his back is facing the window. He and Poppy are lying face to face. He is awake and is properly dressed. He’s wearing a white t-shirt, navy blue chino pants, and perfectly white slip on sneakers. His clothes are perfectly ironed. He has dark hair that is parted to the side and held in place by gel, giving his hair a shiny sheen.
JAMES: (Whispering) Hey. Poppy. Poppyyy.
[Poppy continues to lie there, peacefully sleeping, totally undisturbed. James starts to speak in a loud whisper, close to her face.]
JAMES: Poppy. Wake up!
[Poppy slowly opens her eyes, looking at the face of her dead brother. She rubs her eyes, expecting him to be gone when she pulls her hands away, but he’s still there. She screams and reacts so strongly that she rolls her body off the bed and lands with a thud on the ground. She is on her knees, palms on the bed. Hair is even more unkempt now. She is out of breath and looks panicked.]
POPPY: (Voice trembling) What the fuck is going on. What is this?
[James is propped up on one elbow. He’s still lying on his left side. He smiles at her.]
JAMES: You’ve always been the heaviest sleepier. Even when we were kids. It’s unreal.
[Poppy turns around and sits on the ground. Her back leaned up against the bed, her back turned to James. She’s crying now. Her knees are to her chest and her head is resting on her knees. She’s rocking back and forth.]
POPPY: (Wheeping. Whispering to herself): This isn’t real. This isn’t real.
[We see James, who is now lying perpendicular to the bed on his stomach. He is leaning over the side of the bed and his head and Poppy’s are almost at the exact same level–his is just a little higher. His head is resting on his right hand and he’s watching her rock back and forth. He taps her on the shoulder as she rocks back and forth.]
JAMES: (Warmly) Hey.
[Poppy stops rocking and looks at him, completely at his mercy. She is a broken soul. Tears are streaming down her face.]
POPPY: I really don’t know what this is, or who you are [pause] But this isn’t funny. I can’t handle this if this is a sick joke.
[James continues smiling at her.]
JAMES: (Feigning insult) Ouch. That hurts. You mean to tell me you don’t recognize your own brother? Is it because I look better than when I died?
[Poppy looks at him.]
JAMES: (Quietly) This isn’t a joke, Pops. It’s really me. Come on, come sit on the bed with me.
[Poppy looks at him with a combination of skepticism and bewilderment. He extends his hand to her and she takes it, working her way onto the bed. They are facing each other.]
POPPY: What is this, James? You’re dead. You’re cremated. How is this happening?
JAMES: Yes, yes, I am. By the way, thank you so much for doing that. Just the thought of being buried always scared the fuck out of me. You and the parents really did me a solid with that one.
[Poppy looks dazed while he speaks to her. James stands up from sitting on the bed, a hand tucked in each of his pockets.]
JAMES: (Cheerily) Where am I, by the way?
POPPY: What do you mean? You mean you snuck your dead ass into my apartment and you don’t know where you are?
JAMES: (Lightheartedly) Noooo! My ashes, silly! Where are they?
POPPY: (Agitated) Seriously. What is this?
[James does an energetic little dance, like when they were kids. He speaks as he does this.]
JAMES: I promise I’ll explain in just a minute. I just wanna see myself first.
[Poppy weakly raises her arm and points to the decorative urn on her TV stand.]
POPPY: (Just above a whisper) You’re over there.
[James walks over to the TV stand and grabs the urn.]
JAMES: No shit? Do mom and dad have some, or is all of me in this one urn?
POPPY: No, that’s all of you.
[James holds the urn and looks at it. He is matter of fact when he speaks next.]
JAMES: Isn’t this bizarre?
POPPY: What? That you’re dead?
[James laughs]
JAMES: No. That it all comes down to this. My entire body is in this small urn. It’s true when they say that life’s a bitch and then you die.
[He sets the urn back down and faces Poppy, who is still in disbelief]
POPPY: (Voice shaking) James. I need you to explain what is happening, because I’m really scared that I’m finally having a mental breakdown.
[James is still standing, both hands back in his pockets. He is looking at her with sincere compassion.]
JAMES: I’m here because I wanted to check on my little sister slash best friend I ever had.
POPPY: (Softly) Why?
[James sits down on the bed and faces her. He puts his hand on her cheek, gently. His hand lingers.]
JAMES: Because. I know you haven’t been doing well. And I know that it’s all my fault. And I’m really sorry.
[A tear runs down Poppy’s face. His hand is still touching her cheek. He removes his hand and lays down with his head on a pillow and looking at the ceiling. Poppy touches her face, warm from her brother’s touch.]
JAMES: Fucking heroin, man. Now that is the biggest bitch I’ve ever met.
[Poppy moves closer to James and touches his face as he talks. She is propped up and looking down at him. She leans down and smells his familiar cologne. She’s trying to take in every second with him.]
POPPY: How are you here? How is this happening?
[James shrugs]
JAMES: I really don’t know. I can’t explain it. It’s just one of those things that happens when you die. You can go visit people.
[Poppy is still touching his face. She stares at him in awe.]
POPPY: (Voice shaking) You look so good, James. So healthy, like when you were sober. It’s like you’re brand new.
[James smiles a big smile at her and sits up so that they’re eye level. He speaks with such enthusiasm, like a little boy who is excited about a new toy or discovery.]
JAMES: Oh! That’s that other cool thing that happens! When you’re dead, you’re cured. You feel no more pain. You’re basically restored. Body riddled by cancer? Not once you’re dead. You’re strong again. No more pain. Disfigured by a horrible accident that killed you on impact? You’re instantly returned to how you looked before the accident. Beautiful once more. In my case, I look better than before my overdose. And the best part? I don’t crave heroin anymore.
[James falls back down on the pillow he was laying on. He is staring at the ceiling, both hands behind his head. He lets out a deep sigh. Poppy is intently listening to him.]
JAMES: I know this is going to sound messed up, Pops, but I’ve never known this kind of peace in my life. No more having to hide my secret. No more having to lie and tell people I’m tired when really I’m nodding off because I’m high. No more having to make up excuses about my appearance. No more telling people I’m fine when I’m not.
POPPY: But, James, you were sober for 18 years before you started using again. Surely you felt some peace then.
[James shakes his head]
JAMES: Nah, Pops. It’s different. I was sober for 18 years, but I never truly felt peace, y’know? Did I physically feel better? Yes. Did I know I wasn’t poisoning my body? Yes. Did I know it gave my family comfort, knowing I was safe? Yes. But I always craved it. It was always just…right there.I had to resist. I had to talk myself out of shooting up every day.
[James pauses for a moment, and continues looking at the ceiling]
JAMES: But not anymore. Now, I am truly free of the burden of addiction. I can’t believe this is how some people are born. Just straight up living their lives and not craving drugs 24/7. It’s as if I never touched the stuff. I hope those people know how lucky they are. You are one of those people, Poppy. And I never told you, but I always envied you for it.
POPPY: (Crying) Goddamnit, James.
JAMES: What? Aren’t you happy for me?
POPPY: Yes, I just still can’t believe that you’re dead. You’re my best friend. You always have been. And I can’t believe that you’re dead. I’m the one that found you in your bathroom. Needle in your arm and all. Your superintendent had to let me in. I got so scared after you didn’t show up for our breakfast date and you didn’t answer my phone calls.
[James looks at her with sympathy. He puts his hand on hers to comfort her.]
JAMES: (Softly) I know you did. And I’m so, so sorry about that. That was so messed up. Nobody should ever have to see what you both did.
[Silence]
JAMES: That’s actually part of the reason I came back. I wanted you to remember me like this. Handsome and healthy. I didn’t want that to be the last time you saw me. I wanted you to have a good memory.
[Poppy squeezes his hand and stays silent]
JAMES: Hey. How come I’m the one that’s dead, but you’re the one who looks like shit?
[He laughs hysterically and playfully pokes her]
POPPY: Are you seriously teasing me from beyond the grave? Some things never change. And you’re right. I haven’t been taking care of myself. I’ve been so distraught that I’ve forgotten how to function.
JAMES: (Quietly and gently) Don’t do that, Pops. Please take care of yourself.
POPPY: What am I supposed to do? Just act like my brother didn’t die? How do I live with the fact that I didn’t do more to save you?
[James looks at her, sadly]
JAMES: When are you going to understand? My addiction was never about you. It was about me. It was my burden to bear. You couldn’t save me from myself. Nobody could.
[Poppy covers her face with both hands]
POPPY: (Through tears) We should have done more. I should have done more. I knew you were acting weird again. You were isolating yourself. You looked different. I knew you were lying when you said you were OK. I called you out on it, but you just got so defensive. I didn’t want to believe you were using again.
[James stares at her sympathetically]
JAMES: Poppy, you were the best. And mom and dad. I couldn’t have asked for a better support system. I knew how much you all loved me. All of you stood by me the first time I went to rehab. And then the second time when I relapsed after 2 years of being clean. So many people don’t have people cheering for them, especially not after they relapse. But I did. I’m one of the lucky ones.
POPPY: Mom and dad are in shambles. They feel so guilty. I’m trying to hold it together for them and tell them it’s not their fault, but I feel the same guilt. They feel like they did something to cause this.
[Silence]
POPPY: Didn’t we have a great childhood? I feel like we did. We had so much fun, you and I. It wasn’t perfect, but whose childhood is? You were always my buddy. I loved you so much.
JAMES: (Smiling) We had an amazing childhood. Sometimes, on the days I felt my worst, looking back on those memories were all that could make me smile. We had amazing parents. So many memories and experiences together. They were so supportive and encouraging of everything either of us ever wanted to do. So nurturing. I couldn’t have dreamt up better parents if I tried.
[Poppy lays down next to him]
POPPY: Do you remember how we would take road trips during the summer? And how we’d pass cars on the interstate and we’d take turns making up elaborate stories about the people we saw in the cars?
JAMES: And we’d make up the most ridiculous back stories and laugh for hours. Mom and dad never understood why we were laughing so hard.
[Silence]
JAMES: Remember that time you lied to me and said you couldn’t make it to my college graduation? And I was so sad and mad at you, but then you surprised me with mom and dad afterwards? You’d watched me walk across the stage and I didn’t even know.
[Poppy smiles a big smile for the the first time since the story began]
POPPY: I think about that day all the time. The look on your face when you saw me was one I’ll never forget. And then I ran to you and you lifted me up and gave me the biggest hug. I keep our picture from that day framed over there next to my TV.
JAMES: That was the best day.
[They lie together in comfortable silence for a few minutes. James is still on his back and Poppy is lying on her right side with her head on his shoulder.]
POPPY: James?
JAMES: Yeah?
POPPY: You know what you mean to me, right? You know how much I love you? And how absolutely devastated I am?
JAMES: (Voice cracking) Yes. And do you know how much I love you? And how sorry I am for all of this? And that you’re the one that found me?
[A beat of silence]
JAMES: Poppy? Did you hear me?
POPPY: (Crying) Yes.
[A beat of silence]
POPPY: James?
JAMES: Yeah?
POPPY: Can you stay?
JAMES: You know I can’t do that, Pops.
POPPY: (Crying) Please don’t leave me.
JAMES: Poppy, I know I’m dead, but I promise I’ll never leave you. I know it sounds cheesy, but I am always with you.
[James reaches in his right pocket]
JAMES: I need you to hold onto something for me.
[He hands her a small object. She looks at it. She gasps.]
POPPY: Oh my God! It’s your lucky guitar pick.
JAMES: (Smiling) Yup and I need you to keep it safe for me.
[Poppy looks at the object and and James looks at Poppy in silence]
JAMES: I need you to promise me something.
POPPY: Anything.
JAMES: I need you to promise me you’re going to take care of yourself. I need you to promise me you’re going to start living instead of crying for me all the time. I need you to understand that for the first time, I’m truly good. OK?
[Poppy nods, just barely]
JAMES: One more thing, I’m begging you to understand.
POPPY: What?
[James sits up and pulls her up with him so that they’re making eye contact]
JAMES: None of this, not an ounce of it, is anybody’s fault. Everybody did everything they could to support me. I know how much all of you loved me. How much my friends loved me. How much my sponsor loved me and was there for me at any time, day or night. Nothing and nobody could have stopped me from doing what I did. I relapsed and the drugs won. Do you get it? It’s really that simple. I don’t want you or anyone else carrying around a burden of guilt because of me. OK?
POPPY: (CRYING) OK. Can you stay just a little bit longer?
JAMES: Of course.
[They both lay down. James on his back, Poppy laying on her side, her head on his shoulder.]
JAMES: Pops, can you sing that first verse of “Sea of Love” that you used to sing to me when we were kids?
POPPY: That’s a throwback.
JAMES: I know. I loved when you’d sing it.
[A pause, then Poppy takes a deep breath and begins to sing]
POPPY:
Come with me, my love
To the sea, the sea of love
I want to tell you
How much I love you
[There’s silence and Poppy slowly drifts into a deep sleep. When she wakes, it is still dark outside, but she is in her bed alone. She realizes her right hand is clenching something. She opens her hand to reveal the guitar pick. For the first time since James died, she feels hopeful.]
Such a beautiful read. This hits so close to home for so many, including me. Their sibling bond just pulled at my heartstrings. I hope all of the Poppy’s of the world get to have the peace and hope James gave her 💕